   Since many seemed uninterested in participating in the mindless banter of recounting some profound resolution that we've made up and practiced to not be caught off guard when the annoying new year resolution question's sprung on us, I thought'd I spice it up. 20 Hard Lessons Learned in the Past Year 1. Burn out is a real phenomenon! 2. Do it now because tomorrow is already late; and two weeks after that is definitely late. 3. Pay attention to details; the mirco is just as alluring as the clouds upon which I frequently floated to. 4. The lover I was seeking was me; “I got myself to remind me of love” Frankie Beverly and Maze “Happy Feelings”. 5. Call the small crack-ups—crack-ups; otherwise an earthquake will strike. 6. Know how you fit those genes; there are things from your parents that stay with you; know them. 7. Keep reminders (of your divinity) everywhere!: Key chains, the fortunes from the fortune cookies you collect, on your wall, in your office, above your mirror, on your neck—everywhere 8. Got a heavy pain-body, and it reeks! Turned many off the past year—was walking out of present and in a wounded me; folks really wanted to like me but were like, rightfully so, “this feels weird.” Allusion to Eckhart Tolle, I am sure noticed. 9. Trouble saying it? Sing it! Carrie, a college friend and inter-faith minister, with wise spiritual counsel asked me to hold the note “Ah” when I started having trouble putting my emotional state or feelings into words. It worked; the deep sorrow I felt stuttered out in tone. 10. Summer of transformation: “The summer was the hurricane that went through our lives; how close have we’ve become.” [Journal entry September 4th, 2011] 11. Need structure! I am most creative and productive in form; I am comfortable with bringing to it the formless. 12. Trust your ground work. Gloria Rodriquez in sharing her journey completing her first book, You Are More than Good Enough, talked about getting to a place ready to start but not knowing what to write about—thinking she needed another course in this or that. Gloria got a tug from the Divine: Write about what you’re experiencing now—what is coming up for you in writing this book. By experiencing now, of course, that means her histories, expertise, experience, followers, practices; what she knows; all that she’s been up to and in this moment—the multitudes from which she always has access. Her ground. 13. Check-in with yourself even for the most whimsical of things; this is one of the first steps toward quality boundary making—familiarizing yourself with your needs, even the most quietest ones. One morning before work, I spent a whole 6 minutes—360 seconds—on whether the gum ball coming out the square dispenser with multi-colored balls was the one from which I wanted to deposit my quarter as opposed to the taller swirly one with the spherical dispenser and only white balls. I chose the swirly one. 14. Anxiety is deafening; the quote that worry is a poor use of imagination really resonated in becoming conscious that I have taken on the anxiety of my mother. Every day, in one way, for some reason or another, during that time, the world felt like it was going to end. That world was muted. Touched with gloves. 15. Fill up your gas tank, and don’t nickel and dime it; this as a metaphor for my whole car buying experience and fiasco beginning April 2011. A car has been a silent financial drain in that I was under-calculating what it really cost to have the car and coming up a bit tight every month. For example, with larger benchmarks—seeing how long it takes me to use a tank during a busy two weeks—I could see where $45 dollars went versus $10 or $15. This prevented me from really putting a dent in eliminating travel-related expenditures. For those not detail oriented, we need to see bigger numbers. 16. Poly people have boundaries; just different than the culture of compulsive monogamy. Much of my borders have to do with consent and genuine honesty, really. Here’s a Facebook post shared October 2011 to help shade light into the dangers of moving in the intimate realm with disregard: “As one who is poly, folks assume I am without boundary. Does one jump into the middle of the ocean because it's wide open? You must know something of the sea--its rules-- before you just dive or else you might be swallowed.” 17. Under-promise, over-deliver; got too close to the inverse way too many times uncharacteristically; enough said. 18. Activism can act funny; a partner in my master mind group quoted, she remembers, T.D. Jakes sharing: “Find those for what you are for; versus those who are against what you are against. Find those who are for you.” Our intimate and political worlds are inverses from our friendship circles to organizations—integrity is being in justice practices when you think no one is looking—and also when your comrade is looking at or to you. 19. Listening our way into wholeness or brokenness; a spiritual practitioner and friend of mine named O facilitated a deep listening session with me in September 2011 where she asked few but pointed questions and mostly allowed me to talk without interruption, with focused attention and parroting. Occasionally there would be body movement stuff. One session, learning about setting healthy boundaries and my struggles in doing such as a sexual assault survivor, O got up and placed a teddy bear in my lap and sat back down. I get to blabbing and blabbing and at some point O asks why I did not move the bear—especially if I did not want it on my lap. “Well, what would have been the alternative?” I ask. To that O replied: “Move it.” Stuff like that. 20. When your body deems your state or maturity most ready—could be the result of some psychological, spiritual, financial, emotion sense of stability—to handle all that you have consciously and unconsciously asked it to hold, it will deliver that baby right onto your hands, wherever you are—convenient or not. You will ultimately call that moment—miracle. *In my case, that baby was: Childhood trauma, rage, broken heartedness, self-loathing, swallowed creative expression, assault and a ferocious magic within looking to take wing. 12 Guide Posts for the New Year
2 Comments On the last day of the Israel Gay Youth World LGBTQ Youth Leaders Summit, I went to the Tel-Aviv beach to reflect on the Mediterranean, to speak to the waters of my findings while in Israel December 4th - 10th. Here: Trusting your dreaming. All of a people is not its government. Systems of oppression separate us from our stories--the intersection of them. Homecoming. Being in the margins. Politicized bodies. Embodying history. Loving wildly. I am speaking to a very dear friend. Thought it might be better speaking then typing it out a few days removed. I took a video, unscripted, to preserve the honesty of the moment. My gift to you is this intimacy.       Body image. Interesting. I ate a bunch of junk during the Womyn of Color Conference this past weekend. As one of the organizers, attendees and fellow board members were feeding me—mostly what they had—since I could not really leave the building at Temple University. That consisted of donuts, pastries, fries, chips and the like—things that I do not typically eat. As each day of the three-day conference passed, I attempted to buffer this by bringing in fruits and broccoli. (Down at the very bottom, I share the linkages between how I treated my body and how I treated my bamboo plants over the same weekend.) While I was cordial, poised and glowing in smile, I was tortuous to myself. I swore I was the most gluttonous thing alive and that I must have gained five pounds or more. “How could I fall so off track with the wellness practices I had begun?” I thought, “See, if you would have worked out harder to lose ten pounds before the weekend, you would not be so off balanced from your goals.” While I was touting the power of womyn gathering to bring about transformation in our work, personal, family, spiritual, socio-economic lives, I kicked myself around. While I chanted a-womyn as well as amen in the way Sister Sonia Sanchez modeled at the Inter-generational Brunch of the conference during her keynote address, I swallowed and dimmed my sense of beauty and worthiness. The following Tuesday, I went to the gym. I spent all of Monday recuperating. I gave myself a verbal, psychological and emotional beating over the weekend. I had to recover my loving kindness. I read passages from the book Anatomy of the Spirit where it breaks down illnesses (dis-ease) as associated with our chakras. My issue was in the sacral chakra—surrounding relationships and control over the physical world (money, survival, career, etc). I walked barefoot and in long dress onto my front lawn giving thanks and offering to Olokun and Shango and in the rising sun spoke sweet things to my soul. When I walked into the gym, I was not going to step on the scale as to not disrupt the rebuilding I had accomplished. I would work out for the next couple of days and then step back on so that what I would see is my weight pre-conference. However, as I passed the scale on the way to the bathroom, I was reminded of the words of Pema Chodron when she spoke of precision and letting go in her book Awaking Loving Kindness: “Precision is being able to see very clearly, not being afraid to see what’s really there, just as a scientist is not afraid to look into the microscope. Openness is being able to let go and to open.” She spoke of gentleness and being goodhearted toward ourselves. These are the tools with which we inquisitively should look upon ourselves. This scale was my microscope.    I was then set on getting on the scale, reading with gentle eyes and saying this is what happened but I am here now. I am giving my body NOW better attention although I did not during the conference. I am loving on myself NOW and that will not be taken away. Couldn’t believe it, over the weekend I did not gain five pounds; I actually lost a pound! I was left with deafening silence. “Had I tortured myself all weekend for a reality only in my head?” This rang within for a couple of minutes. I walked over to the dressing mirrors in the bathroom and said out loud what I am slowly letting others and myself know: “You are and will be always in recovery from body image issues. Management of it will be a facet of your wellness practices.” Something was freeing about calling a duck a duck. I assumed that all that (my body image issues) were left behind upon exiting college. For goodness sake, I was a lead part of the Body Image Council in college! A close friend who is in recovery from alcohol abuse really checked me and shared that disorder or the effects of abuse never leave this body with its elephant memory. It is forever with you; it forever will need to be address. In college, I wrote a response article in the college newspaper to a writer who shared that all who had eating disorders or body image issues were doing it to fit into one particular model; she was writing more of an opinion piece rather than a well thought out or substantiated article. My response article was titled: “We, Too, Have Eating Disorders.” I wrote that culturally I was not attempting to fit into supermodel molding. Body image issues were much more layered than obsession with Seventeen Magazine. For, I began as an attempt to control my more masculine shaped body to fit into a curvier Caribbean or African-American frame. My gaze was the womyn on my block and not on the idiot box. Further, couple this with living in an unstable environment, wanting to control something well, being a repeated rape survivor and the disassociation inherent in that layered assault and you have a much more dimensional picture than idolizing some upper-class posturing frail non-person of color womyn on a magazine I have never read or owned. In kind, that same above reaction returned when reading this cogent and nicely structured essay on the site for the Barnard/Colombia’s Feminism and Women’s Studies site titled Chapter 3: Body Image and “Eating Disorders.” http://feminism.eserver.org/real-and-ideal-body-image.txt It spoke of the corporate industry backing the flood of images presenting a supposed ideal for women’s bodies that is thin, fit, radiantly healthy, young, white and upper-class (by virtue of their expensive clothes). The author did not let the medical community off the hook in sharing the current height-weight charts are skewed and are being re-evaluated to increase “normal” weights by 20%.    The author argues against the prizing of American individuality—pulling oneself up by her/his boot straps—in the way it is fueling an ideal of thinness. She writes, “We are given the message that if we work hard enough at dieting and exercise, anything can be accomplished. Women especially are told that their efforts in perfecting their bodies will be rewarded by success in both their professional and personal lives. If we fail at achieving the ideal, we are told we must “try harder”. A fat person is seen as lazy or greedy or without self-control. ‘Obviously,’ we think, she wouldn’t be fat if she could just control what she ate or ‘if she bothered to exercise.’” This notion of self-help and individualization for the author takes away the societal and genetic fact that our bodies are impacted and influenced by numerous factors within and outside of the individual’s sole control. Citing findings from studies that show 25 years ago the average model weighed 8% less than the average American womyn in comparison to the current average model’s weight being 23% below the normal average, the authors wants to draw attention to distortion—disjunction between what is profitable for corporations in terms of the product—yes, culture and image like information are commodities in this society—and what is healthy self-esteem for womyn (and men). The other day on WMMR, Rob Kardashian of the infamous Kardashian family talked about feeling pressure to be fit such that he was uncomfortable taking off his shirt poolside. Yet and still, as a womyn of color who knows that body image issues go beyond desired thinness or may not even be directed toward that course, a womyn of color who knows the layered divorcing from one’s body intersects with issues in poverty, traumatic childhood experiences, repeated sexual assault, racism and sexism, as a womyn of color who is in recovery from her teenage and young adult bulimia, I could not help being slightly turned off by the article that challenged cultural bias but still framed eating disorders one-dimensionally in terms of only seeking some media-based ideal. One African-American womyn in Aishah Simmons groundbreaking documentary on sexual assault within the black community, NO!: A Rape Documentary, shared that after her assault as a pre-teen and feeling “dirty”, she became bulimic—a way to expel and “cleanse”. It’s layered.    To add to this last layer on eating disorders being related to issues of sexism and genderism as well as other intersecting isms: What is often shared in much of the literature and discourse that discusses the ism-based roots of body image disorders is this valuing of a “masculinized” female form as a tool of upward mobility. Here is where the limitations of this exist: (1) As a womyn of color, seeking a more shapely feminine form is what began my bulimia; (2) I faced much discrimination and exclusion growing up because my body was not voluptuous or hour glass rather than receiving access to socio-cultural capital allowing a socio-cultural upward mobility. It is all around complex. So, in pointing out holes, I am more so asking for them to be filled rather than to eliminate the whole fabric of discourse as it has been laid. When I am using masculine and feminine terms what I am really saying is masculine of center or feminine of center, for, genetically, our bodies vary and often do not fall into neat categories. Truthfully, it is hard to draw the line regarding what constitutes a womynly shape or not. Going grocery shopping with my roommate two days ago turned into an unexpected bonding experience that continued when we came home unloading things on the counter. While in the store, we were holding each other accountable in purchasing Kashi bars instead of the fructose based Fiber One bars or picking up the healthier bag of tortilla chips or allowing a bit of sin—organic chocolate. Arriving home and unpacking groceries, we talked about insecurities regarding how our bodies were shifting with age and how we have to spend this time to relearn what our bodies need without an unfair comparison to the days of our youth where we both shared being able to lose weight with a single thought, it seemed. On the counter was my bamboo plant, roots out, lying in a pool of water in a large aluminum pan. I was cleaning out its vase. This was no routine action. It was an emergency. Over the weekend of the conference, I noticed that the leaves on the very bottom of my bamboo plant to the far right—I have one to the far left—of my windowsill were turning autumn yellow. Its water was black. I left it there. I left my bamboo plant there in clear and visible distress, saying I did not have time to handle this right now. I was too busy running around doing this or that. I felt overwhelmed and almost angry at this plant for being distressed at a time when I was already dealing with so many different conflicting demands. Well, of course, the plant got worse. The yellow was spreading and the water blackening. After the restorative work I did on Monday and Tuesday for myself internally, I began looking at the bamboo plant as an extension of how I was referencing myself and my needs. The universe will provide many mirrors to echo what our inner selves are screaming, what we are refusing to hear. The bamboo plant’s water was becoming murky because I had left an incense stick in between the rocks used to ground the plant and hold its roots. Thus, whatever was used to coat the stick leaked and became poisonous to the bamboo. Powerful. What is left, what is left undone, what was left unaddressed, a past remnant that needed to be discarded long ago had now turned poisonous. Is that a lesson or what? In the same way, the Pema Chodron piece of looking with scientist eyes, inquisitive eyes, kind and gentle eyes at that which is troubling rose again in my hear. I picked the plant up, took it downstairs, apologized to it (because it looked really ugly) and spoke affirming things to it as I poured the pebbles into a basin while running water into the vase to reduce shock and keep the roots moist. I placed the plant into a large aluminum pan of water, covering its roots, and began trimming. With spray bottle in hand as to mist the trimmed leaves, I snipped and snipped and snipped the yellow, the browning the blackening. My roommate walking in and out, looked on. She was, again, holding me accountable: “With soil plants, yes, not with bamboo or plants just taking water. It’s a sure problem.” I replied gently, “I am learning. I have learned.” When I was finished, I was so proud of this plant, which has been with me since I moved into my apartment a year and a half ago, for its lessons, for hanging in there long enough to teach me, for its sensitivity, for revelation of its distress. As I move onto to the next chapter in this forever workshop called life, I am being humbled and gently nudged to look left, right, up, down at my bounty, at my distress, at the consequences, at the solutions. Whether it’s a roommate or plant or bathroom mirror in the gym, I receive the amplification of my inner words, feelings, needs reflected in the world around me. From this I will not shy. I look on through the microscope.    Yesterday, the world mourned the passing of Apple founder Steve Jobs. More than a celebration of this luminary’s keen vision and pioneering technological innovations (I-Phones, I-Pads, I-Pods, etc), there was a great moment of profundity in reflecting on Jobs’ Stanford University 2005 Graduation speech. He called for living everyday with integrity and honoring the creative spirit in us all—all of this after a recent cancer diagnosis. Jobs shared “Death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent.” (Click Here for Full 2005 Stanford University Speech). In my car, driving in the setting sun and cool autumn air, I turned the dial to NPR’s American Public Media broadcast , where it played this other portion of Steve Job’s speech: …For the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something As, I was turning the corner onto the main street and reached the stop light, something else inside of me paused. I echoed the question: If today was my last, would I want to do what I am about to do today. My quick answer—mostly to swiftly remove the feeling of hesitation in my heart—was, “Oh, I would of course be working in the same field. I love this work. I would definitely be organizing community events, working in higher education and with youth, doing this healing spiritual work…” Then a pang came upon my heart. There was an untruth. My last post revealed the secret behind my developing wellness practices: To make quality space for my creative voice. A sweet growl from that place sang: “There is one thing; your art. The answer to your question is no!” I was not jolted by this truth. At my last mastermind group meeting September 30th, our assignment was to complete two goals from our six-point vision statement list in the next sixty days. One of my goals was to complete one chapter in a book that I have been working on for the last couple of years. When I began writing for it as also a part of my first assignment for my monthly writer’s group at T-Bar on 12th and Sansom, I was so contented, deeply so. I felt more whole than I have in years when writing, when committed to following my creative path. The other day, I was telling one of my closest friends that I could not focus on editing this event program; yet, when I walked upstairs to my room to take a break from editing paralysis, my spirit perked up with glee and clarity. It was because I went to pick up this 1990 futurist novel Invitation to the Game. This book has been conjuring sorts of creative work and energies in me. My creative spirit was joyous. In answering the Steve Jobs question, that same spirit slouched. She was not happy that in the last two days, I have not made space in my day for her release. It almost felt like a tug from a small child on one’s shirt, eyes large and watery and wanting. Today, the morning of the Third Annual LGBTQ Womyn of Color Conference, the morning where intensity can now shift to developing and growing my creative voice with the same level of commitment, I feel blessed. Posting this blog and telling you (and myself again) out loud that I am not fully happy with my choices in this world is reassuring my little lightening (creative spirit). For, I am sharing with witnesses—ones that I know will hold and have been holding me accountable—that in the next two months, my creative voice will take ferocious primacy. I am speaking of you, dear reader. I cannot wait to report to my mastermind group all of the goodness that will abound from working on that chapter. May I now give honor and thanks to the Orishas Shango and Olokun for their trailblazing and holding of this weekend’s events. We are gathering. May we be blessed in doing so. May we never lose sight that as in dream and in life our collective mind creates and in that expansiveness refines what is possible. Where Have I Been for a Lunar Cycle?! And What Does It Have to Do With Protein Shakes and Muses? 10/01/2011
There is a full blog post written a few days ago upon realizing that I have not posted in close to a lunar cycle: 29 days. Well, where have I been? I am having a bit of fun with myself in this piece—writing in both kind and teasing manner but also being reflective and accountable. September 9th—my state the last time I wrote here—feels worlds away . Been reading these (folks): Gloria Rodriquez (DeAlmas Women’s Collective), Pema Chodron, Tao Te Ching, Sonia Sanchez, Anne Winters’ Night Wash, journal articles on high-achieving, first generation college goers and TIME magazine. Been getting restored by these Muses: Friday Open Mics in East Passyunk | Monday Writers Group at T-Bar |”Freak and Geek” Events (talks, readings, kink causal weddings, bookstores, meetings, reflexology lessons, bars, etc.) | Hardcore gym time with a new strategy of circuit weight training + crunches first and then running on “hill” or “random” settings on the treadmill for more effective calorie burning. (Tightened up to lower about half a dress size.) Today picked up this 1990 young adult, futurist novel, Invitation to the Game by Monica Hughes. It began in the year 2150—worlds away. Yet, the future, past and present all feel with us, bleeding into one another—with me when I began reading this morning. This was a similar sensation I had when reading Octavia Butler’s sci-fi jewel Mind of My Mind. The last 21 days have marked such profundity upon my life such that the lines between my experience over the last few weeks feels as one—all intersecting with and strengthening me now.    Overview: Wellness is now entrenched. Although I have not been writing about it here (I’ve been using a book journal), I have kept up, if not turned up a notch, my wellness practices. I began walking out of my apartment to the front lawn barefoot on the grass and morning dew to ground myself. Facing east toward the rising sun, I would give thanks and pep talks. On another level, I began drinking soy-based protein shakes to support my muscle building and supplement the lack of protein in my vegan-ish diet. My body is soaking it up! What a difference! My muscles became really defined and responsive to workouts. I recover faster and am able to go deeper and more angular in my exercise routines. As busy folks in a day and age where your speed gets conflated with skill or intelligence and where we all are made to feel as if we are playing catch up, taking care of your body is definitely a must—especially nutritionally! However, it helps if we can do it quicker with quality. Here’s how I answered this dilemma below. All are quick and easy, highly nutritious, fast absorbing. They support weight management and mitigate hunger cravings.    Daily Foods: · V8 Low Sodium Vegetable Juice (11.5oz) · The Soy-based EAS (Energy, Athletics, Strength) AdvantEDGE Carb Control Shake (11oz) · Broccoli and/or Kale · Apple and/or Grapefruit · Juice Plus+ · Fiber One Bars (35% of daily recommended fiber) · Raw shelled peanuts (bought by the pound) · *Treat – Green and Black Organic Chocolate All of This toward What End? Isn’t journey—the rise and fall progression toward that to which we aspire—an end unto itself? Yes, in this case very much so. And also, here is the secret. I have been working to get well for a reason: To evoke my poetry’s return—my brazen, creative voice. Mind, body and spirit—I have been working to integrate these such that I embed support to write what my heart is calling desirous: Learning to hold primary the practice of gardening, cultivating of the creative soul. Today, a group of dynamic womyn and supporters will gather on Sonia Sanchez’s plot above her Philadelphia mural on N. Carlisle and Diamond Street to plant bulbs and clean up Sonia’s garden. This is to honor her work as grassroots organizer and nurturer of community space. In preparation, the profundity strikes me all over again: We must, as with gardening, make practice of nurturing our creative selves, voices and spaces. This involves daily, weekly and special occasion ritual practices. Without such, it is as if asking our creative selves, “Grow, would you? Although I have not prepared any such space for you to do so.” That voices that eventually fades to whisper will in falling crescendo ask: “But, where?” This is the support side of SPR™ (Support—Push—Recover™). My secret is that I was working to get well to make space for what I have known to be arriving (present); I have seen it before (past); I have seen it as it will be (future); my little lightening; well-supported creative voice.  According to the Farmers’ Almanac 2011 blogs, summer is a time of abundance, when farms and gardens explode with life—so much so, that canning and freezing are a few methods employed to hold all that harvest. This aligns with our collective sentiment of frivolousness and frolic in the hot season. All is full, vibrant, bursting and before us in ample loads. In the transition from autumn to winter, things begin to sober, slow, collect, prepare, quiet and turn color. For some, this can trigger slight states of depression or mild melancholy as we tune into more primordial sensations or traumas around scarcity and bracing the harsh season to come, which in the Northeast seems to extend longer and longer each year. Last year, winter weather lasted well into the spring months with snowstorm warnings littering all the major weather channels at the end of March. For this womyn with both Southern and Caribbean heritage, that could be a terrifying reality—add my vitamin D deficiency, and, Houston, we could have a really big problem when I think about the colder climate ahead. I already can feel the weather breaking.    What have we harvested from summer and with what will we travel into fall? Yesterday, I shared that I will be reflecting on the summer and beginning the pattern of large seasonal reflection. Transitions are not to be overlooked. Entry and exit into and out of these periods can complement or complicate the season ahead. In a wonderful blog post, Finding Time to Transition into Fall: Mind, Body and Spirit!, the author keenly notes that unlike sudden changes, transitions are “planful” processes—meaning the power is in our hands to fashion our transitions in whatever manner we select. This wonderful time in the rainy fogginess of the last couple of days is a great for reflecting, paring or letting go of what is past and getting ready for what lies ahead. Animals and birds do it. Why shouldn’t we fall in line? Both flora and fauna make their transitions clear. We see leaves change color and pedals fall or close. “Squirrels collect nuts, mice collect seeds and jays collect acorns”, this one article, What Happens in Autumn, shares. It continues, “Animals eat as much as they can…to store up fat reserves for winter…crickets and grasshoppers die before winter comes but have already laid their eggs…birds are stronger flyers than insects and many of them flee the oncoming winter.”    Ants are the most interesting to me in how they prepare for their winter hibernation. Ants secure nests via insulation against the autumn winds and blistering winter gale. In fact, if a nest is well insulated it can actually generate heat, which is why ants’ nests are where snow will first melt in the pine woods, for example. This is slightly embarrassing for me since I usually do not start my own window insulation until December or the dead of winter. Hmm, have the ants outsmarted me? (For a BBC Radio special, “Life of Ants”, following ants as they prepare for each season go to: http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/science/lifeofants.shtml) Let us walk into our preparatory season well. This will encompass (1) reflecting on your summer’s bounty, (2) visioning what your autumn will be and (3) deciding what from your bounty will you carry on with you. But remember—some things have to remain behind. Summersault into Autumn 1-2-3 #1 Reflecting on My Summer’s Bounty · Traveling: o I have been to P-Town, Cape Cod, Toronto, D.C., the Jersey Shore and NYC. I have gone to NYC probably 3-4 times a month during the summer. What a blessing has purchasing my first car been! o Province Town, Mass. was the first time I cut off my nails and worked to get my hands dirty—literally and metaphorically—in communion with the new earth I encountered. I felt so free near water and rock, sand and tree. On the ride and journey to these various destinations, I felt a sense of righteous bravery and invincibility that worked to exercise my once clipped and bended creative wings. · Family Bonding: o Solidifying my relationship with my niece such that she knows whenever she has a major event or simply wants to go somewhere fun, her Auntie Shayna will ride up to take her. I wanted her to know that her preciousness and innocence has that much command in the world. o Deepening my relationship with my sister, mom and dad via having my car and being willing to visit them or take them anywhere if our schedules align. I wanted them to know that their wellbeing and wishes are very much a part of my future planning. · Cleaning House: o In preparation for my new roommate in August—the 20th to be exact, I began to clean house—clearing out old boxes, emptying closets, rearranging and adding furniture, hanging more cozy items on the walls, pushing my landlord to finish the carpeting and other repairs and cleaning every week. o This created a sense of pride in my home that I have never had. I just saw it as a place to lay my head and drop my clothes. This supported the emerging pride that I had developed for car and body maintenance. o Further, as an extraverted person—one who gets energized by or in the presence of other people—how important it has been to have another body in my place has been. The laughter, phone conversations, movement, negotiation and all has been so invigorating and motivational. · Creative Writing: o I began blogging and writing creatively after a two-year hiatus! o This summer of love and living on the edge burst open the dusty attic in my head and heart to release all the precious jewels of thought, words and images I had long forgotten was within me, my reach. · Increased Health o With a determination to get my whole self toward balance, I began working out 3 – 5 times a week with amazing results. This commitment catapulted me into fidelity regarding other commitments I set for myself such as creating an orderly home, anger management, cultivating more reciprocal relationships and getting on track toward fiscal soundness. #2 My Autumn Vision · Scheduling Upcoming Travels: St. Louis (Fall), Israel (Winter), France (Spring), Bolivia (Summer) and hopefully Japan · Sharpen Mental Capacities: Studying for the GRE’s again, playing word games, building my memory, free styling and doing more Sudokou puzzles · Sharpening Writing Mechanics, Creative Writing and Theatrical Skills: Atted · Strength Entrepreneurial Ventures: Juice Plus+ and project management · Set Foundation for Becoming a Wellness Practitioner: Reflexology, herbology, massage therapy and nutrition · Increasing My Reading of Entire Books Exponentially: · REST: I tried sleeping 7.5 hours a night and had such amazing results. I would like to ensure that I prioritize resting space as well as relaxation activities such as bathing, massages and fun movies #3 What Will I Carry Over · New and rejuvenated relationships · Bravery and urge to travel · Increased wellness practices · Improved interpersonal communications Bonus: What I Will Not Allow to Carry Over · Trying to make everyone content · Dragging my feet to go to work, meetings or events · Taking rejection personal in business and in love life · Feeling that I have to do something versus realizing I am choosing to do all I do and I can choose to do differently · Being yelled at or picked apart · Taking on others issues as my own or an indication of a deficiency within me · Feeling that I need someone else to fulfill me and water my garden · Neglecting home, office and body care · Shutting down and not expressing the struggles I am facing September will be my sobering month where I increase moderation in a multitude of areas in my daily life: Diet, portions, going out and temperament. I want to decrease the number of functions I attend drastically heading into the winter. To do so, I have to begin easing my schedule now. I want to have more time at home to practice reflexology, write, study, work out, take baths, cook and invite guests over. What is your Summersault into Autumn 1-2-3s? Don’t forget to add the bonus! So, we are now at the unofficial start to fall 2011. Summer has come and gone that quickly, and what a summer it has been. From hurricanes to earthquakes to broken and new relationships to deep introspection to preparing for the next chapter in our lives--my, we have grown. I am working on the starting-of-the-week wellness post, of course challenged by the long Labor Day weekend and a mini-road trip with my girls. In that upcoming post, I am going to share what this summer has been for me regarding transforming my life into balance. This both is and is not Zen, walking through rose gardens proselytizing. I want to from deep and sincere places share that letting go takes control, that life change takes commitment, that the tiny things build and that honesty braces the hard hits--my greatest lesson and the prompt for this blog.    Honesty, I have come to learn, is a powerful way to start transformation. This is seeking clarity. Deepak Chopra shares in his recording, "Higher Self" on Heart Meditations, that it is essential to ask our divine selves or the mystery we call God for clarity. For, this is how we receive direction and reach alignment in step. I discovered that starting with honest reflection has transformed me--someone who for all of her public appearances is more reclusive and private than one might ever conclude. Thus, I kept much of my struggle in the dark. From the outpouring of support I received from this blog in my sharing trials and triumphs, I see the confirmation in starting with honesty. This brings me to my next point in that honesty is beyond you. There is a witnessing component here, which could both be internal and external. Basically, there is a "someone else" factor inherent in the act that provides perspective and accountability. When you share amongst witnesses your efforts towards change, they will check on you. My mom has worked to hold me accountable to my wellness shifts, asking about new discoveries and successes. My readers have worked to continually motivate me; for, I see that my personal work is also public and political. They help me see it is about changing lives and systems. My friends have worked to provide reflection and perspective. They have seen my trials in attempting to integrate my whole self toward balance--work life, relationships, mental health, weight management, childhood traumas, spiritual fulfillment and garnering emotional awareness and language. We must become well not only for ourselves but for each other. Walking toward wellness has a spilling over effect. Others will begin to drink of it also and produce their own drink from which you will in kind feed. O’ how we will grow brave and honest together. As we are here at the changing of the season, I want to begin the pattern of large seasonal reflection coupled with daily or weekly meditations. This couple of times a week blog posting helps with introspection on micro-levels. Yet, I am sitting down tonight for the meta-reflection: What has this summer been for me in terms of wellness? Who have I now become? I ask you, dear reader, to do the same and meet my commentary tomorrow with your stories as well: What has this summer been for you in terms of wellness? Cannot wait to share and to witness! The Spooky World of Skin: Waxing Versus Shaving, Not Hiding from Healing and Peel with Zeal 08/30/2011
Viviane Aires of VSkin + Make Up: |  Author Shayna S. Israel is an educator, organizer, artist (poet/rapper) and founder. It is her passion for social justice and commitment to constructing spaces for womyn to develop leadership, networks and distinct voice that threads her various commitments. Juice Plus+Purpose
This wellness blog is to share the author's trials and triumphs in becoming more present and centering her daily routines around health practices that build from the inside out. It is her hope to spark dialogue and resource sharing as well as encouragement for those newly embarking on their journey toward healing all over. ArchivesJanuary 2012 Before & After August 8th, 2011  July 22nd, 2011  September 10th, 2010 CategoriesAll |
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